Tag: boring

Flashback Friday: The New Kid

This story was first posted on August 29, 2017. I love how kids can live in the worlds they imagine and try to convince others to join in. For them, anything is possible.

“Hi, I’m Jason,” a boy said. “You’re the new kid.” He was wearing a blue shirt with a big red letter J on it. Martha was pretty sure he wasn’t in her class. She’d remember a shirt like that.

Jason raised his eyebrows. Had he asked a question? “Yes, I’m new,” she said when it seemed like Jason wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Are you evil?” he asked.

“No,” Martha said.

“Are you sure? What do you do for fun?” Jason asked.

“I like to draw.”

Jason crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “What do you draw?”

“Mostly horses,” Martha said. “I like horses.”

“That’s boring.” Jason walked away.

During recess, Susan and Amy introduced themselves to Martha. “What do you think of our school so far?” Susan asked.

Martha paused.“It’s nice,”.

“You paused before you said that,” Amy said. “Is there something wrong?”

“I met a boy named Jason.” Martha frowned. “He asked me if I’m evil.”

Susan laughed. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure he didn’t mean it personally.”

“Then why did he ask me that? And then he said I’m boring.”

“Jason wants to be a superhero when he grows up.” Amy shrugged. “He’s been watching everyone since kindergarten.   He’s looking for his arch rival supervillain.”

“So, I’m just the latest suspect?” Martha asked.

“Like all the rest of us,” Susan said. “Like I said, it isn’t personal.”

“He caught a litterer once. And someone cheating on a test.” Amy counted Jason’s successes on her fingers.

“Did he try to beat them up or something?” Martha asked.

“No, he held up his hand like he was telling them to stop, and then he started saying pew-pew-pew-pew until a teacher convinced him to tell them what was wrong.” Susan held up her hand to demonstrate. Martha laughed.

Just then there was some yelling by the slides. Above the other voices, they could hear someone yell.   “Pew-pew-pew-pew!” The recess monitor hurried over and the yelling stopped.

“Was that Jason?” Martha asked.

“Yeah. Someone was probably cutting in line,” Amy said. “Jason hates that. Do you like playing jump rope?   If there are three of us we could take turns jumping.”

Susan clapped her hands. “That’s a great idea! We haven’t been able to jump rope since Linda moved.”

“I love to jump rope.” Martha followed her new friends to check out a jump rope from the equipment box.

Weeks passed. Martha and Susan and Amy had soon attracted a group of girls who liked to jump rope too. One day a new girl joined them. “Hi, are you new?” Martha asked.

“A weird boy just asked me that,” the girl said.

“It must have been Jason,” Martha said. “He asked me that when I moved in too. Did he ask you if you’re evil?”

“Yes,” the girl said. “Oh, what’s your name, by the way? I’m April.”

“I’m Martha.” Martha held up her end of the rope. “Do you like to jump rope?”

“I love to jump rope,” April said.

The girls started to jump rope. One verse into Cinderella Dressed in Yellow, Jason walked by and stared at them suspiciously. “I’m watching you, new girl.” He pointed two fingers at his eyes and then pointed them at April. He backed away slowly, only tripping once.

Martha looked at April. “Why is Jason watching you? He said I was boring.”

“I told him that someday I’m going to rule the world.” April smiled.

Little Monster Goes to the Dentist

It was that terrible, horrible, awful, scary time of year again. No, it wasn’t Halloween. That would have been much, much better. It was time for Little Monster to go to the dentist.

“My teeth are fine,” Little Monster said. He smiled a wide, sharp-toothed grin. “See? They’re all there and they work great. Why bother the dentist?”

Mama Monster rolled her large yellow eyes. “It won’t bother the dentist. It’s her job to check on monster teeth so they stay healthy.”

Little Monster coughed a little, unconvincing cough. “I think I have a cold. We’d better not spread it around. We might as well reschedule.”

“Hmmmm.” Mama Monster picked up her purse. “We’ll let them know when we check in, but I think it’ll be fine.”

On the way to the door, Little Monster fell dramatically over a chair. “Ouch! I think I broke both my legs. I’d better go lie down.”

Mama Monster scooped him up and carried him out to the car. “I guess I’ll make an appointment with the doctor as well.”

Little Monster sat up straight in his booster seat, looking worried. “Actually, I think my leg is all better now. I don’t need to see the doctor.”

“Well, that’s good.” Mama Monster started the car and drove to the dentist’s office.

At the front door, Little Monster paused. “Are you sure we need to go to the dentist today? Wouldn’t another day be better? We should think about this. I think it’s a bad idea. Remember my cold?” Little Monster coughed another little cough.

Mama Monster opened the door. “Come in and sit down. I’ll let the receptionist know about your cold.” Little Monster sat in a terrible pink chair with a scowl. Mama Monster walked up to the front desk. “Little Monster thinks he might have a cold.”

“That’s fine,” the receptionist said. “The dentist wears a mask and gloves.”

At that moment, Little Monster knew that he was going to actually see the dentist and there wasn’t much he could do about it. It’s not easy being a little monster. He decided that someday he would get to choose whether or not to visit the dentist. He would choose to not visit the dentist.

All too soon, Little Monster was sitting on an awful dentist chair decorated with horrible rainbows. The dentist came out wearing a frightening people mask and people gloves. Little Monster screamed. Mama Monster and the dentist chuckled as the dentist changed her mask and gloves to something more normal.

Little Monster didn’t think it was funny.

“Have you been brushing your teeth?” the dentist asked, leaning his chair back.

Little Monster smiled widely. “Yes. I brush everyday with my brussel sprout toothpaste.”

“Oh, the green slimey one? I love that toothpaste,” the dentist said.

“So, since I brush everyday, I don’t need to be here, right?” Little Monster tried to sit up.

Mama Monster put a paw on his shoulder. “Nice try.”

“Open up,” the dentist said.

The next twenty minutes weren’t so bad. Unfortunately, after the dentist finished poking Little Monster’s teeth with something sharp, she turned to Mama Monster and said something scary. “His teeth look boring.”

“Oh no,” Mama Monster said. “I was afraid of that. I kept hoping they’d get more crooked as he got older.”

“I’m afraid that if you don’t do anything, they’ll remain straight as straight can be.”

Little Monster crossed his arms and glared. This was hard to do when lying in a dentist chair, but Little Monster was always good at glares. “I like straight teeth.”

Mama Monster shook her head sadly. “The other monsters at school might tease you.”

“I don’t care.” Little Monster turned his head away from the dentist. “They’re my teeth, and I like them. I don’t want braces.”

Mama Monster sighed.

“Maybe we can wait until he’s a little older.” The dentist clicked a few keys on her computer keyboard. “But the later you start, the later it will be until he’s done. I’ll send you home with some brochures. We can customize his look. We have a lot of options for artful, attention-getting crooked teeth.”

“I want to go home,” Little Monster whined.

“Not yet,” the dentist said. “You still need to get your teeth cleaned.”

“But I brush them every day,” Little Monster said. No one listened. Little Monster resolved to catch the flu next time he had an appointment. He never wanted to go to a dentist appointment again.

Unicorns Are Boring

One day Amanda woke up and she was a unicorn. She wasn’t just imagining things either. She had big heavy golden hooves instead of hands and a sharp horn that had already torn a hole in the curtains.

She jerked her head around, trying to free her horn, when she heard a sharp cracking noise. At the same time, the bed dropped six inches. Amanda looked down, and as she looked her horn tore through the rest of the curtain with an awful ripping sound. Apparently the leg of the bed had broken off.

Stepping carefully off the bed, Amanda looked around her room. As a unicorn, she couldn’t change into her princess costume or read her books or pick up any of her toys. She couldn’t color or draw or paint. Being a unicorn wasn’t as fun as she thought.

Her brother Stanley came running down the hall. He looked into Amanda’s room as he was passing and paused. “Mom!” he yelled. “There’s a horse in Mandy’s room. I think she stole it.”

Amanda snorted and opened her mouth to set the record straight. “Naaaaaaah. Puh. Buh. Neeeeh.” That hadn’t come out quite right. She cleared her throat and tried again. It didn’t sound any better.

Mom yelled from the kitchen. “Is it an emergency? Is anyone bleeding?”

“Mom! It’s a horse! It’s in the house! Come and see,” Stanley shouted as he started walking towards the kitchen.

“I’ll come see later. If I come now, the eggs will burn,” Mom replied.

Stanley kept walking down the hall, grumbling. Amanda stepped out of her bedroom. She looked into the bathroom. Everything looked so small. It took her a while to get ready for the day. At least her rainbow mane looked pretty when she looked in the mirror.

Finally, she was ready for breakfast. Nervously, she entered the kitchen. It was empty. There was a note on the table, saying that Mom had taken Stanley to soccer practice.

After a very messy breakfast of eggs, Amanda wandered into the living room. She couldn’t use the television remote or the computer keyboard with her hooves. She could try to bite things, but if she drooled on them, it might ruin the electronics.

She decided to go outside. It took forever to get the door open. She stepped out and looked around. Now what? She couldn’t swing or climb a tree or make flower chains or assemble potions out of weeds.

She dug in the dirt with her hooves and patted it into castle-like mounds with her hooves. Being a unicorn was boring. She couldn’t do any magic, and there weren’t any rainbow bridges anywhere. She was just a horse with a big horn that got stuck in the branches of the trees as she walked past.

Amanda gave up. She went to the oak tree in the back corner of the yard. “Naaaaaah,” she yelled. She gave the trunk of the tree a few good kicks.

A grumpy fairy dressed all in black peeked out of the hollow branch. “It’s you again. Go away. You got what you wanted.”

“Neeeeeh. Bah.” Amanda said.

The fairy glared. “Well, that’s what unicorns are like. If it wasn’t what you wanted, you should have made a different wish.”

Amanda kicked the tree again. It wasn’t fair. Everyone said unicorns were cool and could do magic. She should have wished to be a pegasus. They could at least fly.

“I’m tired after doing all that magic, so if you would kindly go away, I think I will sleep until next Thursday.” The fairy started disappearing.

“Pah. Buh. Neeeeeeeeeeeeeh.” Amanda kicked the tree again.

The fairy stopped disappearing with a sigh. “I could change you back now, but only if you promise to never ask me for any more wishes.”

Amanda thought for a moment. She had always wanted to do magic. And own a diamond mine. And an island. And live with the mermaids.

On the other hand, if she was a unicorn until next Thursday, she’d miss the talent show. She’d probably break everything in her room before the day was over. It wasn’t fair.

“I’ll tell you what, I can fix anything you broke, too,” the fairy said. “Just promise to leave me alone. If you don’t, I’ll move and take my tree with me.”

Either way, it sounds like she wouldn’t be getting anymore wishes. Amanda gave up. She nodded. The fairy smiled and snapped his fingers.

A rainbow bridge appeared. Amanda squealed a horsey sort of squeal. She jumped up and climbed higher and higher, up through the fluffy white clouds. It was hard to see. Everything was bright and white and fluffy.

Amanda opened her eyes. She was in her bed, which wasn’t broken, and light was shining through her curtains, which weren’t torn. Had any of it actually happened?

Well, one thing was certain. “Unicorns are boring,” Amanda said sadly.

“I agree,” Stanley said as he walked by. “It’s good to hear that you’re finally coming to your senses.”

Amanda threw her pillow out the door, and managed to hit him before he disappeared beyond the doorway. It was good to have hands again.

Isaac’s Adventures Underwater: Chapter Twenty

The egg’s poem about a wasp with a dreadful wig was very long. And it repeated a lot. And the egg spoke in a sing-song voice that made even normal sentences sound like nonsense. So, it was probably not surprising that Isaac dozed off at some point. The egg, however, found it inexcusable.

“You didn’t even clap at the end,” the egg shouted. “You just snored.”

“I’m sorry. It was just such a long poem.” Isaac smiled apologetically.

The egg frowned. “You promised to clap.”

“Would it help if I clapped now?” Isaac asked.

“You already tried that,” the egg said sulkily. “It doesn’t count if it’s not right at the end. If you clap late, you might be clapping about anything after all.”

“But isn’t late better than not at all? And twice better than once?”

“If the first slice of cake isn’t any good, is the second going to be welcome?” the egg’s crayon face looked angry.

Isaac shrugged. “Perhaps I should just leave. I can look around for a bit on my own.”

The egg looked angrier. “This is my island. I say whether or not you can look around. And I say you are too rude to stay here a minute longer. Leave now and don’t touch or look at anything at all.”

Isaac laughed nervously. “But that’s impossible. I have to touch the ground to walk, and I’ll get lost if I can’t look around, and then I’ll stay here even longer.”

“Well, stop touching the ground right this moment. I mean it.” The egg was shaking with anger.

“I can’t,” Isaac said. “I don’t know how. I’m sorry.” The egg shook even harder. Isaac was alarmed. “Please stop shaking like that! You’re going to fall off the wall.”

“You can’t tell me what to do on my island!” The egg was swaying dangerously now.

Isaac, alarmed, tried to speak in a calm, soothing voice. “You’re right. My mistake. It’s just that…”

“Your mistake? I told you everything on thing on this island is mine!” The egg bounced once, twice, and then fell from the wall. It landed with a loud crunching sound that echoed strangely.

Isaac rushed to the egg, which was cracked right through its crayon-drawn face. He wasn’t sure what to do, and his hands fluttered uselessly over the large egg that, up close, was almost as tall as he was.

His mind raced. Was there anyway to fix the egg? If only he’d managed to find the party sooner, then maybe he’d be the king of doctors. But can doctors repair eggs? And there were no guarantees he become a doctor. He might end up as the king of horses, and horses didn’t even have hands. There was no way they could fix broken eggs.

The egg was still making small cracking sounds. Isaac leaned forward, worried that it was about to collapse in on itself. He still had no idea what he could do to help. “Are you okay?” He asked.

There was no answer. The egg continued to make little cracking sounds. The crack across the face grew wider, and suddenly a scaly green face popped through, right in the middle of the egg’s old face.

Isaac jumped back in surprise. “Who are you? What just happened?”

“I’m the same person I always was,” the green thing said. “And you’re still on my island.”

“But I thought that it was the egg’s island… Oh.” Of course. It had hatched.

The green thing snorted and smoke trickled out of its nostrils. It climbed out of the remains of the egg shell, crunching it under its large taloned feet. A long tail whipped back and forth behind it.

It climbed up on the low wall and stretched out its massive wings. It was a dragon.