Your talents? Well, you’re a great helper.
Mom, that doesn’t count. Tell me a real talent.
Your talents? Well, you’re a great helper.
Mom, that doesn’t count. Tell me a real talent.
Many years in the past, well before the internet, a kindergarten teacher looked at the row of tiny people sitting on carpet squares. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Everyone started talking at once. Then they each started talking louder in an attempt to be heard. The teacher started clapping out a rhythm. Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap. The students quieted down and joined in the last clap-clap-clap.
“One at a time. We’ll start at this side of the room.”
“I want to be a baseball player.”
The teacher paused. “A what?”
Cassandra shrugged. “It’s like a writer, but it will be on the computer, when the computers are all connected.”
Everyone looked at her blankly. “That sounds nice,” the teacher said at last, and the class moved on.
Later, on the playground, a small group of children cornered Cassandra by the slide. “You think the computers will all be connected and take over the world? You’re going to help them?” One of the children said, smirking.
“That won’t happen. You don’t know anything about computers.” Another child said. “Stop pretending to be smart. You don’t know anything.”
Cassandra straightened her shoulders. “I know you are going to go to college, but you’re going to spend the rest of your life paying for it.” She turned to the other child. “You’re going to need braces and glasses by middle school.”
The children shrieked in anger and raced forward together to push her in the mud. When the teacher with recess duty approached, the children ran away. Cassandra stood up with a sigh.
“Do you need to go in and change?” The teacher made a face at the mud.
“I can wait until the end of recess. They’re just going to push me in the mud again soon.”
The teacher patted her shoulder. “You don’t know that. Try to be more positive.”
Cassandra shrugged. “I’m positive they’ll shove me in the mud, as soon as you leave to deal with the kids fighting over the shorter swing.”
“What kids?” Just then, sounds of shouting and crying came from the swing set. The teacher sighed and patted Cassandra’s shoulder again. “I’ll be right back,” she said.
Moments later, Cassandra was shoved back into the mud.
She went inside to change, knowing the teacher wasn’t going to come back. Someone was going to find a dead bird by the fence and cause a commotion that would last for the rest of recess. Cassandra changed and waited quietly by the doors for recess to be over.
At lunch, she warned Jimmy that he wouldn’t like the mashed potatoes. He took a big bite anyways and then spit it all over the table. During painting, she moved her paints and warned Sara to wave her arms less as she talked. Sara still waved her arms and ended up with paint all over her sleeve. At reading time, Cassandra told Mike to be careful walking to his carpet square, and he still tripped and hit his head on his desk.
When the children were lining up to go home, Cassandra paused and tugged on Amy’s sleeve. “It’s going to rain later, and you forgot your coat.”
Amy frowned. “No I didn’t. I always put it in my backpack.” Then she turned around to talk to someone else.
Cassandra sighed and continued to the back of the line. She could see the future clearly. Someday, all of this would be part of a blog post that no one would believe. No one ever did believe her, of course. She was used to it by now.
Dad was out the door the moment Grandpa came inside. They didn’t even pause to high-five or tell a joke. Dad just mumbled something about a list on the fridge and left.
Grandpa came in and hung up his coat. Lynn and Jim and Neal waited patiently to drag him to the living room. As soon as the hanger was safely back on the rod in the front closet, they escorted him to the couch and sat down around him.
“Did you have any questions about the sleep study for baby Carrie?” Grandpa asked.
“I think this is when they find out she’s really an alien,” Neal said.
“I think she’ll scare them into pretending she’s normal,” Jim said.
They all looked at Lynn. She shrugged. “They may be right. Carrie’s scary.”
Everyone nodded. Even Grandpa.
After a pause, the children looked at him expectantly. Neal folded his arms and frowned. “Grandpa, aren’t you going to tell us a story?”
“What do you want to hear about?”
“Something true,” Lynn said.
“Something scary,” Jim said.
“Something with dinosaurs,” Neal said.
“I can do that.” Grandpa sat and thought for a moment. “But this story will have to go way, way, way back to when I was young. Back then, there were dinosaurs. They fetched our mail and mowed the lawn, and ate annoying house guests. Every house had two or three. But then, something terrible happened.”
Neal looked alarmed. “What happened to the dinosaurs?”
“They were cancelled. But that was only the beginning. Soon, everything was being cancelled. Television shows. Movies. Concerts. Amusement parks. School. Church.”
“You can’t cancel church,” Lynn said. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I wish they’d cancel our school,” Jim said. “We didn’t even get any snow days this year.”
“Why did they cancel everything?” Neal asked.
“Maybe it was a snow storm. A really, really, big snow storm. Maybe it was the ice age. I bet that’s it.” Jim looked at Lynn. “The ice age was real. I could be right.” She shrugged.
Lynn frowned and tapped her chin. “The dinosaurs died a long time before people, so they would be gone first. So, ignoring the part about dinosaurs living with people, maybe everything else happened at different times too. I still don’t know why they’d cancel church, though. Was all the power out?”
“Maybe all the presidents and kings got eaten by sharks. Did that ever happen?” Neal asked.
Jim rolled his eyes. “If everyone was getting eaten by sharks, everyone else would be hiding in the churches and praying.”
They looked at Grandpa.
“Do you want to know what happened next?” he asked.
“Yes,” they said in unison.
“Well, everyone stayed inside their houses. And they didn’t have dinosaurs to fetch their mail or mow their lawns, so they did that themselves. But only when nobody else was around.”
“Were they afraid of being cancelled?” Neal asked.
“Yes,” Grandpa said.
“What did they do about the annoying house guests?” Jim asked.
“They told them to go distance themselves,” Grandpa said. “For their own safety, of course.”
“So what did they do all day?” Lynn asked.
“Oh, they cooked and read books and talked on the phone. They also complained loudly and tried to sneak out of their houses when no one was looking.”
“Did it work?” Jim asked.
“Of course not. There was always someone looking.”
“And then what happened?” Neal asked.
“Then they cancelled the summertime, and it started snowing. Then they cancelled being reasonable, and everyone wanted to buy all the toilet paper. Then they cancelled breathing, and finally, this story was cancelled. Time for bed.”
“That story didn’t have enough dinosaurs,” Neal complained.
“And it wasn’t real at all,” Lynn said.
“It was a little bit scary, though,” Jim said. “But not as scary as Carrie.”
“Nothing is as scary as Carrie,” Neal said. Everyone nodded.
“Do you really think she’s an alien?” Grandpa asked.
What do you want for breakfast?
Can I wish for a million wishes?
This story was originally posted on September 29, 2017. Aliens are fun to write about. They come from far, far away, which already makes them sound like part of a story. Other than the long-distance travel, they’re completely mysterious. It’s an interesting idea to explore.
Louis was home in the middle of the day, because he was sick. If it was up to him, he would have been at school. Today they were going to make ice cream as a science experiment. That was much better than staying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
Unfortunately, Mom said that if you have a fever and a runny nose, and a terrible cough, and a sore throat and can’t stop sneezing, then you should stay home. Throwing up after breakfast hadn’t helped his argument at all, either. So, Louis blew his nose again and sneezed and looked at the ceiling. Ceilings are boring.
“Mom, I’m bored,” Louis yelled. Then he coughed. Ouch. His throat really hurt.
“Then take a nap,” his mom yelled back. “You need to rest so that you can heal.”
Louis scowled. He was much too old for naps, and he wasn’t at all sleepy. Well, he was maybe a little bit tired. But not really enough to fall asleep yet. He turned and watched the shadows on the wall move. The wind must be blowing through the tree outside.
And then, the shadows started to fade, or maybe the room started to glow. Louis wasn’t quite sure. It was all a little strange. Everything looked a little bit foggy. Louis blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he wasn’t in his bedroom any more.
He was in a strange metal room filled with blinking lights. Something was making a clicking sound. Three tall skinny beings with greenish skin and bright blue eyes looked at him. They were definitely aliens. Louis looked back. One of the aliens said something, but Louis didn’t know what he was saying. “I don’t speak your language,” Louis said.
The aliens approached and one of them looked closely into Louis’s face. The aliens smelled like dust. Lots of dust. Louis sneezed right into the alien’s face, and then he couldn’t stop sneezing.
The alien backed up, but the other two crowded closer. The sneezing hurt his throat and upset his stomach. Louis threw up on the other two aliens. The aliens backed up and bowed. One of the aliens pushed a button on the wall, and the room started to get brighter. Everything looked foggy. Louis blinked.
And he was back in his room looking up at the ceiling. Had any of that really happened? Mom knocked on the doorframe and came in. “How are you feeling?” she asked. “Any better?”
“Mom, I was just captured by aliens,” Louis said. “I threw up all over them, so they let me go.”
“That sounds like a nice dream,” Mom said. “Is your stomach still upset?” She put her hand on his forehead. “Oh dear, you’re still quite warm. Would you like some ice cream?”
“For lunch?” Louis asked.
“Why not,” Mom said. “You’re feeling sick.”
Maybe being sick wasn’t so bad, except for the staring at the ceiling part. Even being captured by aliens wasn’t terrible. It had been kind of interesting. If it really happened at all, of course.
Two days later, Louis was back in class. He’d missed the ice cream experiment and a math quiz, but otherwise things had been pretty quiet at school. Susie said that Dan threw up on the slide just a day ago.
Louis decided that being sick probably happened to everybody at one time or another. He was glad that he felt better now and could move forward. He hoped he didn’t feel sick again anytime soon and that he never threw up on the slide. That sounded embarrassing.
Hundreds of thousands of miles away, the crew of an alien space ship coughed and sneezed and stared at the ceiling and tried not to throw up. “I thought it was too eager to give us the samples we required. It was completely suspicious,” one said.
“I thought it believed we were peaceful scientists,” another replied. “How was I to know it recognized us as a possible threat.” The alien sneezed and sneezed and sneezed.
“Well, I’m going to recommend we don’t try to colonize this world. The inhabitants are far too hostile. And they don’t fight fair, either,” the last one said. And then he threw up.
“Hi, I’m Jason,” a boy said. “You’re the new kid.” He was wearing a blue shirt with a big red letter J on it. Martha was pretty sure he wasn’t in her class. She’d remember a shirt like that.
Jason raised his eyebrows. Had he asked a question? “Yes, I’m new,” she said when it seemed like Jason wasn’t going to say anything else.
“Are you evil?” he asked.
“No,” Martha said.
“Are you sure? What do you do for fun?” Jason asked.
“I like to draw.”
Jason crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “What do you draw?”
“Mostly horses,” Martha said. “I like horses.”
“That’s boring.” Jason walked away.
During recess, Susan and Amy introduced themselves to Martha. “What do you think of our school so far?” Susan asked.
Martha paused.“It’s nice,”.
“You paused before you said that,” Amy said. “Is there something wrong?”
“I met a boy named Jason.” Martha frowned. “He asked me if I’m evil.”
Susan laughed. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure he didn’t mean it personally.”
“Then why did he ask me that? And then he said I’m boring.”
“Jason wants to be a superhero when he grows up.” Amy shrugged. “He’s been watching everyone since kindergarten. He’s looking for his arch rival supervillain.”
“So, I’m just the latest suspect?” Martha asked.
“Like all the rest of us,” Susan said. “Like I said, it isn’t personal.”
“He caught a litterer once. And someone cheating on a test.” Amy counted Jason’s successes on her fingers.
“Did he try to beat them up or something?” Martha asked.
“No, he held up his hand like he was telling them to stop, and then he started saying pew-pew-pew-pew until a teacher convinced him to tell them what was wrong.” Susan held up her hand to demonstrate. Martha laughed.
Just then there was some yelling by the slides. Above the other voices, they could hear someone yell. “Pew-pew-pew-pew!” The recess monitor hurried over and the yelling stopped.
“Was that Jason?” Martha asked.
“Yeah. Someone was probably cutting in line,” Amy said. “Jason hates that. Do you like playing jump rope? If there are three of us we could take turns jumping.”
Susan clapped her hands. “That’s a great idea! We haven’t been able to jump rope since Linda moved.”
“I love to jump rope.” Martha followed her new friends to check out a jump rope from the equipment box.
Weeks passed. Martha and Susan and Amy had soon attracted a group of girls who liked to jump rope too. One day a new girl joined them. “Hi, are you new?” Martha asked.
“A weird boy just asked me that,” the girl said.
“It must have been Jason,” Martha said. “He asked me that when I moved in too. Did he ask you if you’re evil?”
“Yes,” the girl said. “Oh, what’s your name, by the way? I’m April.”
“I’m Martha.” Martha held up her end of the rope. “Do you like to jump rope?”
“I love to jump rope,” April said.
The girls started to jump rope. One verse into Cinderella Dressed in Yellow, Jason walked by and stared at them suspiciously. “I’m watching you, new girl.” He pointed two fingers at his eyes and then pointed them at April. He backed away slowly, only tripping once.
Martha looked at April. “Why is Jason watching you? He said I was boring.”
“I told him that someday I’m going to rule the world.” April smiled.