A Classic Blunder

It all started when Bernard stepped on Sasha’s tail. He hadn’t seen it because he’d been in a hurry to bark at the window. The squirrel was back and needed to be reminded that a scary dog lived here, after all.

Sasha had shrieked and hissed and growled.   Bernard hurried away a little more quickly than he’d planned, and then he promptly forgot all about his little misstep. He remembered at dinnertime, when he found his dinner bowl was knocked over and his food scattered all over the kitchen.

Bernard marched into the living room. Sasha was curled up on the new sky blue armchair that Bernard was never allowed to sit on. It wasn’t fair that just because cats were unnaturally preoccupied with staying clean, they could sit wherever they want.

“I know it was you,” Bernard growled angrily.

Sasha smirked. “You’ll never prove it.”

The human stomped into the room. “Bernard, you made such a mess in the kitchen! And now you’re scaring the poor cat. You obviously have too much energy and need some outside time. Out you go. Out! Now!”

And so out into the cold Bernard went. Of course, going outside wasn’t really a hardship.   Hopefully he’d have his dinner back in his bowl when he went inside, too. He waded into an especially deep, muddy puddle. That fussy cat would probably cry if she were ever this wet and muddy.

That was when Bernard had a brilliant idea. He would match wits with the cat and win.   Dogs are naturally smart and persistent. Sasha would have to finally admit that dogs are the best and agree to never knock over his dinner again.   He had the perfect idea for his first plan of attack.

And so, when the human opened the door to call him inside, Bernard was already there by the door waiting to go in. He slipped inside and ignored the human’s angry shouts.   He had to hurry before the cold, muddy water all dripped out of his fur.

He raced to the sky blue armchair and began to shake all the muddy water off. Sasha jumped up and hid under the chair before the first drops of water touched her.   Such a scaredy-cat.

Of course, Bernard was in trouble after that. He had to take a bath, and he wasn’t allowed in the living room for days. He sat in the doorway behind the baby-gate and watched Sasha get pets and ear scratches.   He needed a new plan.

His next plan was a stroke of genius. Once the human was out of the room, Bernard hit the speed dial number for the pizza place and barked out an order for pizza with anchovies. Everyone would suspect Sasha and she’d be the one outside the baby-gate.

But the humans didn’t understand him. They said something about pocket-dialing and hung up.   Sasha looked over and snickered.   Later that evening, she batted his blue ball and squeaky bone over and left them at the foot of the stairs.

In the morning, the sleepy human came downstairs and tripped on the toys. Bernard was in trouble again. It wasn’t fair.

Once he was allowed back in the living room, Bernard prepared to launch his master plan. He carefully stepped on the remote and turned on the television. He attempted to change the channel to the fishing channel. Sasha would be in so much trouble! Unfortunately, the channel wouldn’t change. Instead, the television got louder and louder. Bernard whined and hid behind the sofa. What had gone wrong?

He peeked around the couch and watched Sasha roll her eyes and turn off the television. Bernard huffed. When the human hurried in and checked on the remote, Sasha was curled up in her favorite chair.   Bernard ran out, hoping not to be noticed and blamed for the noise.

It didn’t work. Bernard was told to leave the remote alone, and the remote was put up out of reach. To add insult to injury, he was in trouble once again that evening. Sasha had somehow found his hidden stash of chewed-up shoes and put them on display in the middle of the kitchen.

It was time to give up. He’d foolishly fallen victim to one of the classic blunders and attempted a battle of wits with a cat. Next time, he’d be more careful of where he was stepping, and…was that a squirrel?